no one knows about this.

i wanna share something. something ...that no one ever knows. never ever knows. i feel that everything's getting worse. my life gone bad. no, i don't hate my life. i'm grateful that God still give me a change to know about life. but how can i survive if every step that i make was make me one step closer to the worse life? i dont know where to go, i dont know where to hide. i just need someone to hold on. i just need someone to lead my way. but who can? i want to turn back to my old life. but how? i want to step forward but who can push me to go? every jokes that i make, every laugh that i take, makes me more want to run from this condition.

may i run from this condition? some people says: "face it!" but how? i am confused. i want to shout it loud but who want to listen? i want to cry, but who cares?